JANUARY (2024)

JANUARY (2024)

In a directionless wind,
I float,
All my friends have found home,
I lie awake.

I fly away (Is this freedom?),
Aimless (or am i a bird waiting to be caged?),

Where does my home start, where does it end?

FEBRUARY(2024)

The uselessness settles in my bones,
My heart feels heavy, and head feels cold,
What words am I supposed to use to describe this situation?

Whose fault is it if not mine?
I look in my head, my regret grows like a cancer,
“My body” I think “my body, please, please, don't let me fall too far”.

MARCH(2024)

Girlhood rots my teeth,
I look up at the sky, my mother,
Why are they empty?

“Look at me” I say “look at me”
“Why do you look past me?”
“I am right here”
“Believe me” “hold onto me”
You do, it's not enough,

You lied, you lie, about everything.

APRIL(2024)

Abhi na jao chor kar
Ke dil abhi bhara nahi

April sighs and whispers
the memories, the voices rings in my ear
My eyes burn from the wind
vision blurred
I refuse to blink

The afternoon light shines
On the phantoms of the past
The same sun, same rooftop
Yet so different.

April remembers, it will always remember.

MAY(2024)

My mother says she loves me,
But i can't remember the last time she said she was proud of me,
Shes asks about my day- please don't ask about my day
I watch her talk and
All I see is what she could be

I miss her,
She's right in front of me
I’ve never loved and resented someone
As much as I've loved and resented you, maa.

Let your gaze filled with disappointment, anger,
Rage, displeasure
And yet I'd love you, to death.

This short collection of poems was first just an idea of expressing whatever I felt with respect to months, which was then put to motion and these poems were developed from the depths of my miserable soul. These poems are remnants of whatever the month has left me with and how it has made me feel.

January made me feel hopeless and indecisive as all my friends were applying to colleges and I stood somewhere afar watching them move forward without moving an inch myself. It made me feel like a thing with no place to belong to.

February was just another reality check of how things were moving so fast and how it made me feel. I somehow am being shoved to an even deeper hole(state of mind) than before.

March , this particular month made me feel like I was of no importance. My mother’s biasness implores me and eats me from the inside out making me hollow. And I try to understand her and her decisions through all the red mist that coats my eye.

April covers me in nostalgia as I try to remember the things that had once been. Our youth, our bond and most importantly our strength.

May, is me reminiscing about my mother even though she's right in front of me. Me through rosy-coloured eyes of what I had wanted her to be.