MONSTER WITH A HEART

Dull silence can be a blessing. Sitting in a dark void that swallows any sound. Even your own breathing seems to cease in it. No feelings, no thoughts, no conflicts. A peaceful space just by closing one's own eyes. I almost envy the dead. Unfortunately, this peaceful silence was just me being numb to it all. Each breath would send vibrations of pain through my body, the lingering ringing in my ears from each shot fired, the heavy smell of iron that lingers in the air. I was used to it all. My vision was blinded by the dark purple lighting in the room as I opened my eyes. Pop music played on the speakers so loud I thought my heart was in my ears. The smell of fruits and liquor made the air spicy and sweet. Taking my gaze off the ceiling, I see workers wearing next to nothing serving and talking to customers. Some customers look in my direction only to look away to avoid locking eyes with mine. Even the waiters and waitresses avoid me, most likely smelling the lingering dirt and blood in my corner, or the long yellow mark running down my face.

Time escaped from me while I was in that void, leaving me to ponder if I even requested Marco in the first place. The sharp sound of heels rang through the loud music, getting closer with each step. Speak of the devil, dressed in a blue elegant suit.

“Raul! Back so soon?” He brushed aside his lushly long black hair. “I don’t have shows planned. What brings you-.”

“The money.” If I don’t stop him now, I’ll be here forever. He looked puzzled but kept that same stunning smile, showing off his blue lipstick to match his suit.

“We just talked about that job last night. How-.” I took the emblem out of my pocket and slid it towards him. His confusion turned into shock and worry looking at the emblem. Most of the red didn’t dry on it. “That was… fast. It might be best to lay low, so they don’t come looking for.”

“Marco.” He was stalling and my anger was rising. “The money. Now.” I wasn’t trying to threaten him, but he was wasting time. He locked eyes with me, scanning like he was looking for something. He’s aware of what I did in a short amount of time, but instead of being terrified, he gives me that look.

“What’s going on, Raul?” I didn’t answer, instead I just stared at him. The tension between us could suffocate someone. Marco’s gaze grew sharper as he tried to drill into my head for information, but ultimately gave up. His eyes lingered as he turned away and I’m back to being alone in the corner. He didn’t take long, getting the hint I was in a rush. He sets the case on the table and slides it to me. “You’re lucky I had the money beforehand.” There was a sass in his voice as I opened it. He looked offended when I decided to check. After a quick look over it all, I made my way to the door with the case in hand.

“Hey!” Marco shouted through the loud music. When I looked back at him, he was still giving that same annoying look from earlier. “Be safe, OK?” I scoffed. Why worry about me? As soon as I hit the streets, smoke and rot filled my lungs. Everything was cast over by the shadow of those living above. A quick look at the giant sheet of metal above tells me it’s going to be a good day; you can hear the birds singing. Making my way down various streets, my hope that the Underground could change in one night burned away. Every alley I passed hosted many thugs and criminals, each step took more material from the bottom of my boots, and not long after I left Marco’s club, gunshots can be heard not too far from me. As I round a corner, two Paradise police officers sat at a storefront. Looking at everything that moves with their hands on their weapons, looking for an excuse to shoot any scum that lives down here. Their sights lock onto me, seeing the large briefcase I’m carrying. One of them wore a disgusting grin as he tried to

make his way towards me, only to be stopped by his partner who pointed out my mark. Fear grows in both their eyes as they pretend I didn’t exist. I guess the news hasn’t reached them yet. Good.

As I got closer to my destination, police cars came racing down the streets, blasting wind on me as they passed. As I quickened my step, and I entered my complex, I rushed up the stairs passing the owner, whose eyes were glued to his mini-TV. He had a look of pure horror on his face. Up ten floors and at the end of the hall lies my door, it being among the few not to be vandalized. I knocked on it in a certain way, cursing with every second that went by. Before I start to bang on the door, the sound of ten locks comes undone. Maria quickly opened the door and was clearly pissed.

“Where were you?” She said as I pushed past her and made my way to the coffee table. The scent of brewing coffee eased my stress a little as Maria followed closely behind. “Have you seen the news? Paradise officers and leaders are getting involved.”

“I know.” I sat the case down.

“Then where were you? I get you can handle yourself, but you had me worried.” My body tensed at her words. Worried for what? If I died, many would see that as a blessing. After her endless barrage of questions, she took a closer look at me and then the briefcase.

“Where’s Percy?”

“He’s still asleep. Why?” She took a step closer, running her thumb across my cheek and looking at it. “Whose blood is this?” Getting frustrated with the questions, I opened the case. Her eyes nearly popped out looking at all the money. “What did you-.”

“This is enough to get you and Percy a citizenship license in Paradise. If you pack up now, I can get you to the elevators before they come knocking.” She looks at the money, then at me. The blonde hair she always wore in a bun was now down and flowing with each head shake.

“What about you?” My anger was overflowing at this point. Why was I getting that same look from her now?

“What about me?” My voice raised, as this headache I had been ignoring was starting to become unbearable.

“Where are you in this?”

“As a drop-off. Nothing more than to dump you and the kid.” She took a step closer to me.

“And what in God’s name did you think any of this was going to work out?”

“It’s going to work if you shut up, pack your shit, and get in the truck!” She slams her hands on the table, staring daggers at me. She was looking at the devil straight in the eyes and didn’t have an ounce of fear in her.

“We need you.”

“Don’t pull that type of shit.”

“We would’ve been long dead if it wasn’t for you.”

“No. You would’ve been dead if I decided to shoot you both the moment I found you!”

“But you didn’t!” She knocked the table away that was separating us, and some of the money fell out as the case hit the floor. “You gave us a home, food, safety. Percy has more of a chance at life because of you.”

“Chance at life?” I laughed. “While he’s still living under a metal sky, he won’t have a life unless it’s in a hail of bullets.”

“So why do you think if we go up there it’s all going be better? Who’s to say it’s actually better up there than the wasteland?”

“Because you guys don’t belong down here or out there. You both have clean records and you’re not marked, or at most do not have a mark like I do.”

“And that’s enough reason to leave you?” If I didn’t explode before, then my fuse definitely ran out now.

“Why do you care?” The windows shook from the force of my voice. “Why do ANY of you care? You think this mark is for show? Some way of looking cool? No! You steal, you get marked! You get caught doing something illegal, you get marked! But that’s nothing in comparison to what I’ve done to get this kind of mark! You know what I did! You know what I am capable of! You saw the news! A ruler of the Underground and his whole team die in the span of one night!”

Something snapped because I was laughing like I was crazy. “And guess what? I wore a smile the entire time! I enjoyed killing all of them like the sociopath I am! Tell me WHY you want to care about me?” She was shocked at first, stepping away as I went into my rant. As she looked at me, I still couldn’t understand why she had that look in her eyes. She should be afraid, disgusted, running to get Percy and getting far away from me. So why is she still looking at me like that?

“You gave us hope.” She must be as crazy as me. That doesn’t make any sense.

“Gave you hope?” It came out as a whisper. All my anger was replaced with exhaustion.

“Mom?” A soft voice came from behind me. Percy was holding that same torn-up teddy bear I found in a ransacked store. The coffee maker dings and my heart finally starts beating again. Maria made her way to Percy; the kid was no more than six. The way she held him reminded me of when I first found them. It was just a job to clear out a building, killing anyone we saw, and taking all the drugs and money our employer claimed was his. Seeing them both huddled together in a corner was enough to abandon the mission and get them out to safety. I had to shoot down my coworkers and boss. I made a lot of enemies that day. That was more than a year ago, now the kid is looking at me like I’m the highlight of his day.

The sound of sirens pierced through the bricks, getting louder by the second. A quick look out the window shows dozens of cars barreling down the street. A look back at the two of them shows that Maria caught on to the situation. We haven’t run out of time yet. My main focus was just not to get them involved in the aftermath of my actions.

“Maria.”

“Ya?”

“Are you sure about this? This will be the only chance you’ll ever have to find some peace.” She stood straight and locked her eyes to mine.

“I rather deal with thugs, and whatever is out there, than be some prisoner under underauthority.” Determination was a good look on her. I took a breath, letting the sirens ring in the background as a way of fueling my rising stress. Every possible outcome plays in my head while Maria waits for my answer. When did I grow a heart?

“Get to the gun case.”