THE BOLTS ARE LOOSE

“Please don’t make me ride this,” I say.

“It’s just the Ferris wheel, Abigail, come on I’ll hold you,” replies Linden.

“You don’t understand, I’m traumatized due to the Ferris wheel, and I have a fear of heights. When that ride stops at the top to let people on or off, I can’t handle the anxiety that takes over inside me. All I hear inside my head is the bolts are loose. Then the damn seat rocks back and forth, making those rickety sounds that confirm the possibility of a loose bolt, and scares the shit out of me. No thank you.”

Linden stands behind me with his arms completely wrapped around my torso in a warm embrace. “Sweetheart, life itself is about taking risks. Don’t let it control you. I’m here and I’ll protect you.”

Linden has been my best friend since High School. Everyone thinks we’re an item, but we’re young and just having fun. Not to say he isn’t perfect for me, because he is, no one knows me like he does.

It’s our turn to load onto the ride. I’m trying to remember to take deep breaths, because right now I’m a nervous wreck. I begin shivering as the wind blows on my neck while the metal of the cart is cold to the touch.

We sit down and I brace myself. The ride rocks back and forth momentarily. My heart beats rapidly and I’m ready to get right back off this thing and onto the safety of the ground below me.

“Can I stay on the ground and wait while you ride it?”

“You can do this, I got you.”

The ride operator locks us in and then the ride moves slowly into its next position.

As Linden is wrapping his arms back around me, we hear a loud snap. The ride operator yells something about a belt and disappears. The cart starts to rock back and forth from the abrupt stop and a tear falls from my eyes.

Stuck? As in, I’m stuck on this nightmare of a ride until it’s fixed. That’s outstanding. Lucky me.

“Aww! Don’t cry, we’re going to be okay.” Linden pulls me into him.

“I won’t be. This is traumatizing being stuck here. Maybe you didn’t grow up being told the bolts were loose as the Ferris wheel went round and round. And you as a child waiting for what would happen, scared the ride would fall apart with you trapped on it” But, Linden holding me tight feels very comforting. I take in the scent of hot sausage sandwiches at a nearby concession stand.

The operator returns and eventually the ride starts again and stops to unload some more people. My heart racing, I hold on tight to the lap bar. I look up. There’s a cart above us. Oh lord if those bolts are loose that cart will fall and kill me.

The cart moves upwards again.

Okay I can do this. I look down. Holy shit I shouldn’t have done that! We’re not even close to the ground anymore. HELP ME!

I begin to feel sick, vomit coming up my throat. “I can’t do this. Get me off this thing.” My stomach is in knots and my hands are sweating profusely. STOP THIS RIDE!

Linden pulls me in closer to him. A sense of calmness and relaxation replaces the vibrating intensity of my anxiety. Linden nudges my head towards his shoulder, so I rest my head and close my eyes. I breathe. My body sinks into his. Safety. I can do this. I’m doing it. I let out a breath and sigh. I open my eyes, look out across the fairgrounds and take in the scenery.

The ride begins and I look up at Linden who is smiling. I smile, too. His hand squeezes my shoulder and I know I’m going to be okay.

When the ride ends, we get back into line and ride again.